I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize