You're my little dorito
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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