just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
