i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
