God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
