problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want a musical about memes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
