Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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