Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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