I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we're making bets on your personal life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
