Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
