Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
