I think im going to throw up on grandma
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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