If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
