good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
cat food counts as protein by the way
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
