If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
