just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You left your phone here
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