every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
