WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize