so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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