Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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