i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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