I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
