new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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