Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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