He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
