I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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