you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
