She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
