Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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