What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
