Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
