i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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