Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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