I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
