Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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