Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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