I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
