Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
