I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this beer tastes like vomit already
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
