I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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