Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
