Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
