OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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