i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
