So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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