There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
