Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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