Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
