id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
