Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
