i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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