I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
