so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
