Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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