Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize