He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i came on her dog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
