I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
