Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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