Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize