A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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