Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
barbara walters just said penis...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
