the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
