i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
