He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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