on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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