my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
