Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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