shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
