You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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