Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
