Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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