I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
