if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
