I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
