I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
