why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
